Turns Out I Can Still Pack It In.

I went down to San Diego this morning to help my brother out with some personal business, and decided to take him to lunch afterward. Well, I was totally craving Souplantation, which I knew was a risk, seeing as they are an all-you-can-eat salad and soup restaurant, but they definitely have healthy options (if you can manage to steer clear of their pasta bar and baked potato bar and homemade pizza and bread station and sundae bar). Anyway, I went in with the best of intentions. First, I downed a decent size salad, and then I made my way to the soup, where I dished up a small bowl of half turkey chili and half veggie soup; so far so good(ish). I should have stopped there, and had every intention of doing so. Instead, I had another bowl of soup. And then my brother came back to the table with a plate loaded with pizza and other breads, and I caved. I first picked out a tiny piece of pizza bread and enjoyed it immensely. So I grabbed another. And as I waited for him to finish, I had a clear view of the sundae bar, where men, women and children alike were creating lovely swirls of Ghirardelli yumminess. I asked my brother if the soft serve was ice cream or yogurt, and he told me it was yogurt--that was all I needed to hear! I was tickled to see that it was even fat-free dark chocolate or vanilla (or the much-sought-after swirl)....So I served myself up a small/medium bowl (it's yogurt, right?) and then proceeded to drench it in caramel sauce (it's fat-free, right?). And I ate the whole thing. And I felt just awful. I was mad at myself for caving, after being so disciplined all month. I was mad at my [yet unnamed] band for allowing me to eat all of that crap with no problem. As I drove home I thought about what I had done, and why. You see, my brother does not know about my band (he has some learning disabilities and would not be able to comprehend even a basic explanation). I think I used his not-knowing as a free pass to cheat, since it was only him and me. I also think I learned that I can not handle the temptation of an all-you-can-eat environment, even now. Maybe when I am eventually in "my zone", but not now.

So tonight, I will punish myself with a nasty protein shake for dinner. And tomorrow begins a new day.